Parenting and Sexuality
by Aner Ravon

This post is about something completely different. Guy Kawasaki published an interview with Dr. Sandor Gardos, CEO and staff sexologist of MyPleasure, an online sex toys retailer. If for courtesy or for teasing purposes, Guy posted a heads up about the subject a day in advance. His promo spun an inevitable debate between commenters (myself included) about good taste, etiquette and dealing with semi-sexual content in the context of a respected blog. While most readers were supportive of the choice, some have criticized Guy’s dealing with “smut”. Others raised concerns about the content filtering preventive actions they now must perform and one reader simply announced “taking Guy off his list”. The interview itself is clean and interesting of course, but the whole debate got me thinking and spun this post.

So before I go into my view on “modern online parenting”, I have a confession to make. I never bought or used a sex toy in my life. As a matter of fact, I visited “good vibrations” in San Francisco once, took a walk around and didn’t purchase anything. This pretty much summarizes my experience with sex shops. Unfortunately, sex toys don’t turn me on. Many people love sex toys. Most people I know would feel awkward if they were to accidentally bump into me while entering a sex shop. Most people also have a very unique taste they don’t like to share. This is where online sex shops provide superb value for good people. One of liberation, anonymity and personalization.

Like most parents I have major concerns with the easy and distorted sexual exposure the Internet provides. I hate the thought of my son and his friends learning about sex from unrestricted online porn at a young age. Not because it’s satanic, but because it trashes the innocent fantasy with a sad circus. I do know, however, that my son as well as your kids WILL consume a lot of online porn. When I went through puberty the Internet was not an option. I still managed to put my hands on 2 issues of “Hustler” and on a 70s style VHS porn tape. I used to hide them under my bed and take them out when my parents were at work. I also managed, with a friends help, to hack a neighbors’ adult cable channel and watch it on my own TV at night. Like most teenage boys I had sex on my mind most of the time and like most teenage boys the last thing I was concerned with was my parents approving or disapproving. You think a net nanny would have stopped me?

Let’s face it, online sex is a part of modern reality. Your kids have access to the Internet and they WILL watch and share a lot of porn. No net nanny, sanctions or “policies” can stop the sexual curiosity of a young adult (thank god!). My opinion about content filtering services is that they take parents’ money for nothing. Even worse that that, they provide parents with the illusion that they can exclude them from the challenge of Internet age sex education.

So I do not intend to purchase any content filtering software. I will do my best to complete the information my kids gain access to with measures they can benefit from and trust. They need to learn about SDDs. They need to learn about the absurd and false pretense of porn. About the beauty of love. About the excitement of anticipation and about the importance of imagination. Building that bridge is where I personally believe parenting should focus on. It’s challenging and untrivial, so what. Forget about blocking content or artificial censoring - would that have stopped you?

[written using Zoho Writer]

Aner Ravon
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